Naturally Kish

May 12, 2012

The Realest Ish I Ever Wrote (Part 2)

Filed under: Uncategorized — naturallykish @ 12:15 am

So yeah, a 276 pound 15 year old is not cute. Especially one with a baby.

I think its safe to insert depression/self hate/insecurity/etc here.

I’ve learned in recent months that I’m a mood eater. I eat when I’m sick and I eat when I’m feeling down. Food is my comforter when it really should be God. The more you know…..

So, I was DOWN, lower than low back then. The most comforting thing to me was Murry’s pizzas and shoestring french fries. They became my best friend. We hug out everyday. Nothing could separate us. Friends til the end!!! Ok ok, you get it. Lol

Now, I never knew that I was obese or that being fat was a bad thing. I mean I knew I was fat, but it was ok. My son loved me, mama never complained about having to buy bigger clothes and I kept a boo. This is when I adopted the ‘take me as I am b/c I’m still hot stuff’ mentality.

From 15 to 21 I guess I maintained that 276. I wore a size 24 so I guess I weighed the same. I couldn’t tell you though b/c I never weighed myself. My weight no longer mattered to me. I was living the life – and was damned good at it too.

Let’s move on…….

Sometime after the birth of my youngest son (1999) that ugly thing called depression came back. And came back with a vengeance. I can remember going for a physical and the nurse telling me I weighed 315 pounds. And my response was Oh. Ok. *blank stare* I had become dumb to the numbers. I simply didn’t care. I was happily married, had two beautiful boys and I was still alive. That’s enough, right????

WRONG!!!!!

Stay tuned……..

Blog at WordPress.com.