Naturally Kish

May 12, 2012

The Realest Ish I Ever Wrote (Part 2)

Filed under: Uncategorized — naturallykish @ 12:15 am

So yeah, a 276 pound 15 year old is not cute. Especially one with a baby.

I think its safe to insert depression/self hate/insecurity/etc here.

I’ve learned in recent months that I’m a mood eater. I eat when I’m sick and I eat when I’m feeling down. Food is my comforter when it really should be God. The more you know…..

So, I was DOWN, lower than low back then. The most comforting thing to me was Murry’s pizzas and shoestring french fries. They became my best friend. We hug out everyday. Nothing could separate us. Friends til the end!!! Ok ok, you get it. Lol

Now, I never knew that I was obese or that being fat was a bad thing. I mean I knew I was fat, but it was ok. My son loved me, mama never complained about having to buy bigger clothes and I kept a boo. This is when I adopted the ‘take me as I am b/c I’m still hot stuff’ mentality.

From 15 to 21 I guess I maintained that 276. I wore a size 24 so I guess I weighed the same. I couldn’t tell you though b/c I never weighed myself. My weight no longer mattered to me. I was living the life – and was damned good at it too.

Let’s move on…….

Sometime after the birth of my youngest son (1999) that ugly thing called depression came back. And came back with a vengeance. I can remember going for a physical and the nurse telling me I weighed 315 pounds. And my response was Oh. Ok. *blank stare* I had become dumb to the numbers. I simply didn’t care. I was happily married, had two beautiful boys and I was still alive. That’s enough, right????

WRONG!!!!!

Stay tuned……..

3 Comments »

  1. Hello to the first best friend I ever had. Life brings changes and u seem to be making a some positive ones…when u can leave a piece of ur self a on a piece of paper or in a conversation clearly shows signs of growth and a sense of openness that is always needed for changes.. it also shows acknowledgement and determination to never visit that behavior or way of thinking again… im proud of u for your courageousness..

    Comment by Dawnyell Harvey — May 12, 2012 @ 6:50 am | Reply

    • Awwww Dawnyell!!!! Im in tears!!! Thank you soooooo much for introducing me to what a best friend is!!! Im so thankful for our journey together both past and present and there will always be a place in my heart for you!! I love you sugah, more than I could ever say!!!!

      Comment by naturallykish — May 15, 2012 @ 1:19 am | Reply

  2. Wowww..I too went through the accept me as I am phase and put off losing weight.I can not explain this without wanting to cry, but out of all of my sisters i was the “fat” one.Weight problems just always seemed to follow me and after so many failed attemps to lose weight i resorted to the , i’ve always been chubby so obviously this is the way i am supposed to be ; way of thinking so why try and fight it.Unlike you my mother and sisters and other family members made it no secret when they would tell me i needed to lose weight.I was teased into thinking my current appearance was not sufficiant.I would lose the weight and everyone would just be so content but I wasn’t so I would fall back into ols habits and eat more.Being 14 and dieting is not fun.Fast fowarding to my current age and making lifestyle changes because I want to, I have decided to lose the weight and win the battle.I am not doing this for anyone but MYSELF and I must say in doing it for myself I am sticking to it longer than I ever have.It is very comforting to know that I have a sister experiencing the same battle . So like i said on another post We Will Win..

    Comment by Vashti — June 24, 2012 @ 6:17 am | Reply


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